This title reads like the chronicles of my life, in a nutshell.
Buckle down, cause it's a long one. But it's fun, if you're into laughing at someone else's misery or if you like a good comeback story.
A girl's relationship with her eyebrows might in theory sound incredibly shallow, but in practice is a very real, emotionally-charged journey that can best be described as a rollercoaster of feelings. If you're a girl not born with perfect face-framers, then you understand. And even more so if you came of age in the 90s.
So, let me tell you about the horrifying things I put my eyebrows through, and how I came back from the brink of a burning demise to finally claim my little stake in the exclusive pocket of population that feels good about their brows.
First things first, my eyebrows are quite light. I'm a pretty fair-skinned person (surprise!) and a natural blond (nothing wrong with enhancing what nature gave you with a few highlights, cough, clears throat). This seemingly banal fact was actually the beginning of my downfall. When I was a young child, I happened upon a razor in my parents' bathroom and decided it would be a good idea to "test it out". Spoiler alert: it was not a good idea.
One swipe on one eyebrow did the trick, and being the symmetry fan that I am, I went ahead and swiped the other one right off. I rationalized that at least things were still equal on both sides of my face. Yup, you can laugh, my 8-year-old self deserves a good mockery. I actually didn't think it was that obvious because I figured my eyebrows were barely noticeable to begin with. Wrong again.
The second my mother laid eyes on me post-grooming, she screeched in horror. Not my finest moment. To make matters worse, they grew back uneven, with the right side sporting a lovely scar in its very center. Actually, I never confirmed that it was a scar -- it could have also just been a bald spot that formed, perhaps in self defense, no one will ever really know.
So, from there I grew into an awkward pre-teen with really no hairs to properly frame my face. I didn't really think much of it because I wasn't really into beauty until I was about 14. Which was the second unraveling of my facial follicle lyfe.
I hate to age myself, but this was the late 90s. And thin was in for sourcils. My brow goals were like, Drew Barrymore meets Gwen Stefani -- the finest stage in all my brow existence, but far from my finest, if you know what I mean. It's pretty disheartening to look at images from that era because my heart aches every time I see what sat above my peepers (or didn't, rather) for what was a far too extended period of time.
But why on Earth would one extend such a phase, you might ask? Well, kids, let this be a lesson that you will never have to learn the hard way like this sucker did: the more you over-pluck, the more your hair will just desert you and leave you in the dust. It took years to get my shit together again: first to get my hair to grow back after I reached peak Pam Anderson arches (ugh), second, to get a decent shape to return after my mishap with the razor. And finally, to get my hair to a shade that wasn't reminiscent of Lara Stone circa her Givenchy days. Darker hair is one thing I can thank aging for, I suppose.
This is where things started to turn around for me. Finally, a light at the end of the tunnel!
A few things have contributed to my successful brow turn. First, everyone's favorite frenemy was on my side: time. As in tick tock, suffering through abundant clock rotations heals everything. Secondly, I discovered the Bobbi Brown eyebrow pencil, which I use for filling. And thirdly: Glossier's Boy Brow. After experimenting with most eyebrow gels on the market and being constantly disappointed (flaking, ew no thanks), the Boy Brow was basically sent from heaven and enabled my eyebrows to enter the next phase of their existence. Aka, to start living their best life.
You see, Glossier's Boy Brow is a pomade, not a gel, and can be used to add both tint and texture to your forehead follicles. That means no flaking and long-lasting. I typically use the blond shade after the Bobbi Brown pencil and guess what?! I ACTUALLY GET COMPLIMENTS ON MY EYEBROWS. If you read my spiel above, you can understand how crazy that sounds.
A clear version of the Boy Brow just recently launched (and is pictured here), which goes on white cause it's a pomade, but dries completely invisible. This is an ideal option for the girls who were already blessed by nature with perfect bushy brows, and that only need extra grooming and texture. Grr I hate you. Just kidding.
So there you have it, ladies. It's been quite an ordeal to get to where my eyebrows and I are today, and I thank my patience and Glossier. Now it's time for you to get your own Boy Brow to begin your revolutionary eyebrow journey. Shop through my profile to get 20% off and to see which other products I can't live without (a detailed breakdown of my favorite Glossier products can be found here).
And if you have any questions (or are in need of eyebrow emotional support), email me-- we'll talk.
GET YOUR BOY BROW + 20% OFF!
Photos by Ian Rusiana.